


The Hazards of Fanfiction

by LolaAnn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Humor, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-18
Updated: 2012-06-18
Packaged: 2017-11-08 01:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/437611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LolaAnn/pseuds/LolaAnn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's curiosity gets the best of him.  He has to see what the self-proclaimed 'Dean girls' are writing about.  Set in S4, shortly after The Monster at the End of this Book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hazards of Fanfiction

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a fangirl myself, so I'm definitely including myself in the mockery here. All story summaries are strictly products of my own twisted imagination and any resemblance to published stories is pure coincidence. I am not to be taken seriously.
> 
> I am making no profit of any kind from this and do not claim any rights to Supernatural.

Dean was glad he’d finally learned how to erase his browser history, because what he was looking at flew way past embarrassing and into the territory of downright humiliating. But he couldn’t help it, he was curious. He’d been eaten up alive with curiosity ever since learning that Chuck’s cheesy ass books had somehow inspired girls to go online and write stories of their own. And to make it even more intriguing, some of these chicks even declared themselves ‘Dean girls’. 

_Dean girls!_ There were actual ‘Dean girls’! 

Yeah, the idea was surreal and if he thought about it too deeply, it freaked him the hell out, but was there a man alive that wouldn’t at least check it out? Hell, what if they were writing about having hot sex with him? _Surely they were._ They were the ‘Dean girls’ after all, and that had to mean they were hot for him. A surge of enthusiasm shot through him at the idea. 

Hell yeah! It was like being told there was a _Penthouse Forum: The Dean Winchester Edition_. How could he resist that temptation? He was practically required to check it out. His stud credentials demanded it, plus it sure sounded like a pleasurable distraction from the nightmarish shithole that was his life. Anything was better than the constant Hellvision running on a loop in his brain or wondering what the crap Sam was really doing right now. Wasn’t it? 

He decided it had to be. He was doing this. He’d even settled on a site dedicated especially to him – _TeamDean.org_. The ‘.org’ part threw him though. He wasn’t exactly the most tech savvy guy in the world, but he was pretty sure ‘.org’ indicated a non-profit website. And yep, he was right. The banner at the top proved it.

_ TeamDean.org is a non-profit website dedicated to collecting and preserving fanworks centered around our favorite hunter. If you enjoy what you see here, please consider donating to help defray the costs of hosting your works. Rest assured that all donations will go toward the upkeep and maintenance of our server. Come on! Let’s see some team!Dean spirit. I’m sure he will appreciate it :D _

Dean shook his head. Seriously? If these chicks wanted some appreciation, they should send the damn money to him. He had his own ‘maintenance and upkeep’ to think about. Jesus! This wasn’t a promising start. 

A cautious voice in the back of his head told him that if he had any sense, he’d hit the back button and find some good old for-profit porn instead. It was too bad he was extremely good at ignoring his inner voice of caution. 

So, nope. No sensible caution for Dean Winchester. He absolutely HAD to know what these girls were writing about that was so damn interesting it deserved ‘preserving’ on a non-profit website. He was going in. God help him, but he was going in.

Ten minutes later….

He wasn’t sure what to read. This place was a virtual landmine of confusion. He was flat-out baffled, mostly because these chicks had their own language and it only vaguely resembled English. For instance, what the hell was ‘whump’ supposed to mean? Whatever it was, it was damn popular. At least 90% of the stories advertised it and apparently they were doing it to him. Was it a kinky new sex position? If so, he’d have to check one of those out.

His mouse arrow lingered over the links to several random ‘whump’ stories, but he didn’t click. Maybe that wasn’t as awesome as he was imagining it to be, especially since he’d noticed that the equally popular ‘limp!Dean’ often went hand-in-hand with it.

What _the_ fuck? Seriously. What the fuck?! 

Why in the hell would any girl enjoy writing a story that involved him needing a bottle of Viagra? And why would anyone want to read it? How was that even remotely sexy? Didn’t know, didn’t want to know. If he ever did have that problem, he sure as shit didn’t want anybody to write and/or read about it. ‘Erectile Dysfunction Dean’ stories were definitely out. 

Moving along…

These girls were enthusiastic, that much he had to admit. He’d never seen so many exclamation points in his life. In fact, he’d lay down money that the exclamation key on their keyboards would wear out before anything else did. There were literally thousands of those little punctuating bastards littering the site. That tiny, virtual signal of excitement was beginning to make his shoulders tighten with anxiety. It was like being shouted at in gibberish. He had no clue what this shit was supposed to mean. Aside from the highly disturbing ‘limp!Dean’, there were buttloads more story summaries with exclamation points friggin’ everywhere. A couple popular ones were ‘hurt!Dean’ and the very puzzling ‘wee!Dean’. 

_What the hell?_

These chicks were fantasizing about him being a midget now? Because, surely they weren’t referring to a part of his anatomy that was anything but ‘wee’ - thank you very much. Then again, that wouldn’t exactly be a giant shock. After all, they already had a weird fixation with him jonesing for Viagra. What a bunch of freaks these fangirls were!

Moving along…

Lots of Hell stories. Make that LOTS AND LOTS of Hell stories. These chicks were absolutely batshit obsessed with Hell. He saw tons of story summaries about him worrying about going to Hell, actually going to Hell, and being in Hell. Plus there were endless variations on how Sam managed to save him from Hell. He was skipping all of those. No question. Hell was definitely not something he wanted to read about. 

Dean was definitely feeling discouraged at this point. So far, he’d only seen one good thing, which was - _no angels_. But that was only thanks to the fact Chuck’s publishing company had gone under around the time his crossroads deal expired. Otherwise, he was sure the introduction of the angels would add a whole new level of what-the-fuckery to this experience. Just the idea of it made him shudder.

Moving along AGAIN…

More massive confusion. Loads of it. Seriously, he was starting to get a headache. This place needed a dictionary. He was ashamed to admit that he was honestly terrified to read anything. After Sam’s explanation of ‘slash’, he had thought he was prepared for this. He thought that if he didn’t check out anything labeled ‘Sam/Dean’, he would be safe. However, he quickly learned ‘Sam/Dean’ wasn’t the only hazard here or the only ‘slash’ to be found.

One category with a slash was extremely puzzling (and also extremely popular). It was ‘h/c’. He couldn’t figure what that meant, but finally settled on it having to do with him being unusually susceptible to hypothermia. There were two stories right in a row that seemed to prove that theory. 

_ Summary: After a chilling encounter with an ice demon leaves Dean barely alive, Sam desperately hopes that his shared body heat is enough to save his big brother. limp!Dean, h/c, gen or pre-slash if you prefer. _

_ Summary: Dean almost freezes to death after falling into an icy creek while hunting a water spirit. Sam must save him with snuggles :D limp!Dean, h/c, gen. _

Dean snorted. Yeah. Whatever. Clearly, ‘h/c’ was some severely fucked up shit. Moving along now…

_ Summary: Dean’s deal has come due and it’s his last day on earth. Sam wants to do something extra special for his big brother. He makes french toast. Major Dean whumpage!, heartbroken!Sam, limp!Sam, brave!Dean, gen. _

Okaaay. He really didn’t know what to even make of that one. French toast? Did that mean actual food or was that yet another weird code word? At least Sammy was the limp one this time. That was a positive (he guessed). 

This whole experiment was turning into a giant waste of time. He’d been on this site almost an hour and hadn’t read one single thing yet, and he hadn’t seen anything that even remotely looked like it could be the type of porny fantasy he was hoping for. What kind of ‘Dean girls’ were these? Cut-rate ones if you asked him. Time to hit the back button.

He hesitated. Wait a minute. Here’s one. 

_Summary:_ _Dean decides it’s time to start a family. mpreg._

Not much to the summary, but ‘starting a family’ did usually begin with sex. It wasn’t exactly a promise of porn, but it had more potential than anything else he’d seen in this God forsaken place. Plus, there were no exclamation points screaming at him on this one. That was a positive. Sure, the ‘mpreg’ label was a big unknown, but he decided he needed to read at least one story before he gave up. He couldn’t wuss out and run away without reading anything.  
  
How bad could it be? 


End file.
